That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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