so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
