I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
