whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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