clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We need to rekindle our bromance
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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