Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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