Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
false alarm, still single
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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