R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
