been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
