my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
