I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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