We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
