you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
