Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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