She said her name was "party"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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