I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
