my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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