im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
