just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
