she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
