I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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