When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You're like the curious george of whores
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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