Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
