You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
