Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
