Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
