if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
