I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize