Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
