So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
