I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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