I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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