this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
