Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She bit a glass in half.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
