and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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