The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
