Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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