in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
