i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize