"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
