he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
