you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How does one acquire holy water?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
