in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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