You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
