giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
