I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
