I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
