i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
