I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
