In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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