I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How naked do you want me to be?
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