My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
