so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
