You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
