I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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