my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
