I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
