He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
