Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
