k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
