My liver just broke up with me...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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