i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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