You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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