I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
