There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
