Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
