tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
