Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
