you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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