he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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