OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
