Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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