Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My bed smells like the plague
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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